Mostly Harmless...

I'll be honest here and start by saying that it's been a mighty long time since I think I honestly kept the sabbath holy. I'll go even further to say that the last time I kept it holy, I probably only just managed to do so by sleeping through the afternoon. I like the sabbath. I think that sometimes I live for it. For one thing, I don't work on the sabbath - No Way!. I also don't read or do school work on the sabbath. I only do fun stuff on the sabbath: to go church and get spiritually recharged, go for a walk, go watch soccer highlights, catch a movie or two at home... did you get the punchline?

Anyhow, I like to think that I'm honest with myself. The thing that scares me the most in life is living a lie (isn't there a Brian McKnight song that uses the phrase 'living a lie'?). I like to think that I'm honest with myself about what I want and what I do. Life is short and I really don't want to spend any part of it making sure that my story stays straight across multiple time-lines. Plus, I'm a little shyreserved, really. I like to write... it helps me clear my head. I think I'm trying to clear my head tonight. I need to plan for the work week - that's something I do on the sabbath. I like to spend time working through my week and committing each step to God ahead of time. I've never successfully planned a week ahead before though. So it's really always been a pipe dream. In fact lately, I've found myself doing more dreaming than actual planning.

I know the things I want to do. Like Paul, though, those are the very things that I do not do (pauses to go look for the bible verse. Let's hope I can come back in one piece). The later part of Romans 7 is Paul at his ecclesiastical best - so I won't say more. I can hear the song "turn your eyes upon Jesus" in my head, though. It's a beautiful song. "And the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace". Another hymn I really like is "Grace, Grace, God's grace... grace that is greater than all our sins".

I like good songs. Thank God for music.

Running away with me...

My blog titles are usually random but a lot of them come from the lyric of songs I'm listening to at the time I write. For instance I'm listening to Peter White's cover of the classic song "Just my imagination" (that's the title, no?). Bueno Funk's my favorite song on that album - 1 of my goals in life is to be able to play the melody of that song!

I start work next week after a whole month off. I don't know what to expect. It's still a programming gig but it's different from what I've done in the past. In the past, I worked on in-house java web based applications primarily. I'll still be doing java work but it will be centered around xml and web services this time around from what I gather - which isn't much. The pay is good though and the environment was the best that I interviewed at. We'll see what happens. This whole job thing reminds of the 2nd chances song in Veggie Tale's take on the story of Jonah. The older I get the more I realize that I'm not exactly as smart as I once thought I was, and the more scared - the scareder - I get. Human nature is funny though: you'd think that been scared and realizing that I suck at virtually everything would make it easier to surrender to the source of all things. But then again, maybe I don't fully comprehend my inabilities. What's that they say about people, death and lack of knowledge again?

I just finished Stephen King's "Desperation". I blame C. S. Lewis and the Screwtape Letters - which by the way, I've still not finished reading despite having started reading it before I switched to "Desperation". The thing is the more I read Screwtape Letters, the more I felt like Lewis was writing about me. When he got to that letter where Screwtape talks about the subject enjoying his pleasures I made up my mind to pick up novel reading again. I'm like screw it - I'm busying beating myself up, taking up pretentious - and terrible - habits, not doing what is right, not doing what I like and generally been miserable. Not! I remember how long it took me to choose "Desperation" at yaba about 2 weeks ago. The guys selling the used novels were on me like ants on honey, offering me one Stephen King book after the other. And in my coolest Fela-ish tone, I would go "O, I've read that... nice book" or "Hey! I remember this story...". Anyhow, now that I've read and totally enjoyed the book o there's the what next question. As in, I know it would be worse badder now to go back to my pre-Desperation days and I don't really want to go back to losing myself in each new novel I come across either. Life just keeps throwing curve balls - 20 belows in July, if you wish.

Anyhow, my favorite line from the novel goes something like "Disbelief and Unbelief are two different things - the former comes natural the latter is willfull... after unbelief comes desperation". And then I like how the book ends with 1 John 4:8. Go read it!

I've got to write a to do list of paper... clear my head a little! And then I've got to do something I've really not done in a while... I need to just put off the TV, computer, phone and just... be still!

Dead, Crazy or Doin' Time...

Edit: I wrote this about 2 weeks ago while in 9ja on vacation.

It's been like forever, literally, since I last blogged. I could give all the excuses on earth for not blogging but they'll just be that - excuses. In fact, when it's all said and done the reality would just be that lately, I've not considered journaling/blogging as important compared to other stuff in my life. Now considering my penchant (am I using the word right?) for not prioritizing the things in my life properly this shouldn't come as a surprise. I think I just gave an excuse too... shoot!

Not a lot has happened in the past 4 months - ok, I lie! I was talking with my grandpa a few minutes ago and he spoofed at Tunde Bakare's insinuation that Nigeria won't remain the same if Buhari didn't win the last elections. We both laughed cos Pastor Bakare was right - each decision obviously changes the future one way or the other. Ok, I'm not sure how we got to talking about choices and different paths but since we are here I might as well mention that I've watched almost all 3 seasons of Sliders on Hulu in the past 2 weeks - parallel universes, multiple space-time continuum, lots of fun. To be honest though, I think I'm partly watching it because I want to see if Quinn and Wade ever get their shit together (code word for make out, kiss, kiss, hug, hug, xoxoxoxo, blah, blah, blah). I realize this all doesn't really point to much that has changed in my life so I'll close this paragraph and hope that the next offers more intelligence... and direction.

I've been listening to a whole lot of Jazz this year (Quick advice - never listen to Miles Davis at work if you are a programming or do some other mentally tasking job). I got like 3 or 4 new jazz CDs and then some so far this year... Sophie Milman's rendition of Eli, Eli was enough to get me to buy her album. I can't say I regretted the decision. Then there was the Diane Kroll album that I got because she's more traditional and she's quite popular - in other words, I had no clue what I was doing or why I was doing what I was doing when I got her album. The only thing I'm sure about is that I got it on the cheap. Then just out of the blue and because I remember that they'd done some collaboration with Take 6 in the past, I decided to buy a Yellow Jackets album a month or two ago. Now I'm crossed between going out there and getting some more of their work and sampling the album I got a little more. I've loved the album I got so much I've been kicking myself for not getting their album earlier.
I've also been listening to more R & B -ish gospel. I wonder why Onitsha never released a second album - she's got the pipes and maybe she's not as main stream, CCM-wise, as say Mendissa but I'd say talent wise she's aight. I've actually never listened to a complete Mendissa album - hint: I actually thought Mendissa was caucasian (how else do you expect me to explain that KISS FM was always playing 'voice of the saviour' and that other station that features the Yolanda Adams morning show wasn't?). Any way, I think I'm kinda looking for an R & B act to replace 'Virtue'. I never felt like 'Virtue' ever captured the promise of their first album. That album in my opinion is still their best till date. Don't get me wrong o. They've got lots of good material on their other albums but that first... now that was pure gold all through. One valid candidate would be Karima Kibble's album or just going with the flow and getting Trinitee's new album (what's the word on Trinitee becoming a group of 2 instead of 3 now sef?) - anything to avoid getting Kiki's album. Here's one place where procastination can be bliss - spending money on music albums!

Thanks to Kafo, I added Mary Beth Chapman's "Choosing to see" to my to buy/to read list a few months back. Now before you get all excited, please realize that list includes "Rebels for the Cause" and quite a few other either Arsenal or Sci-Fi related material. Anyhow, since I don't have a list of books written down somewhere (I stopped using/visiting livingsocial a long time back) I tend to forget the books on my list when I'm ready to go shopping. Anyway, I finally bought C. S. Lewis' "Screwtape Letters", "Choosing to see" by Chapman, and "Life without limits". I'm on the 10th letter in Screwtape Letters. I've got to say I totally love Lewis' writing style in the book. It's kinda like what I aspire to be if I were a writer (thankfully I have no such illusions) - tedious, comma-infested, interjection infused, and totally pedantic (I concede that the book is pedantic probably because of the subject matter). Seriously, though, it's really good material. I love it. Now if only I could get myself to read the bible like so.

I like today's blog. I said a whole lot of nothing and it's been fun. I read somewhere that it's those discussions about, and sharing of, the little unimportant stuffs that keeps relationships going. So when I call my girlfriend, sometimes, we just end up playing that ridiculous game of say a 'I say word and you sing me a song that uses the word'. Thankfully she can hold a note where I can't - I kid. So Meg and I have decided to 'maybe' get married early next year. It's scary but it's about time too. When I asked her out I told her I wanted to marry her someday and I meant it... I still do. The scary part is knowing that I'm not perfect and that now I'm in a much better position to hurt her emotionally than I was say 1 year ago. The scary part is knowing that as undeserving as I am she loves me. I've been thinking about how much of 'falling in love' is similar to the type of relationship God wants to have with us. I'm a mix between realistic and optimistic with a nice touch of melancholy and romantic - I think. I'm not terrible good at long term planning but ask me to plan the next 5 minutes of my life and I'll tell you the worst that can happen, the best that can happen and all the reasons why you should throw all caution to the wind and expect the best to happen in the next 5 minutes. Tell me to do the same for a 48 hour period and my brain goes into overdrive and practically crashes. Anyhow, Meg and I spend so much time on the phone - mostly with nothing serious to talk about and it makes me appreciate a little more what having a relationship with God entails. It's being willing to and actually enjoying sharing even the most minute and mundane details of our lives with Him - every chance we've got.

Okay, someone needs to bring my feet back to to the ground... Seriously :D